Infertility and Isolation
Isolation is a big deal.
COVID-19 has turned our world upside down. I was recently reading an article about “How not to make this winter totally suck” and thought it hit it right on the mark. These are lonely times as we are cut off from our routines, our families, travel and for some people their work or work environment. Life as we knew it is...not around. Feeling alone is more than just a feeling or a mood. If lack of connection perpetuates over time, it can have some of the same negative effects as smoking or abusing alcohol as well as increase the risk of premature death according to Dr.Julianne Holt-Lunstad (Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review. Perspectives on Psychological Science, Vol. 10, No. 2, 2015).
Feeling alone in your fertility struggle?
Feeling alone is not new to many women undergoing fertility struggles or those who have had a miscarriage or repeated miscarriages. For me, the hardest part of the journey was feeling like I was the only one experiencing what I experienced. It was hard enough to take the physical and psychological toll, but to feel alone was like cold winter air in my chest that wouldn’t leave.
We often keep quiet about sharing dashed hopes or the trauma of not having a baby. There is no specific way in our culture to acknowledge the grief of not having or losing a child in pregnancy since it is not often visible to others. Even within relationships, women acknowledge feeling isolated as a result of not wanting to overburden their partners and impact their partner’s willingness to try again. Our partners feel the stress and isolation, too. And not reaching out for social connection and support becomes a vicious cycle of isolation, fear, and loneliness for those trying to conceive.
The benefits of tender loving care, hope, and support
Did you know that couples receiving tender loving care (TLC) after a miscarriage or repeated miscarriages were more likely to go on to have a live pregnancy? In one paper, couples with recurrent pregnancy losses who received TLC had an 80% live pregnancy rate after a loss.
To feel loved and supported is what helps the human mind overcome adversity. We are social creatures by nature, and we need social connection. Yet, this is often not mentioned in medical appointments and the diagnosis codes that go with infertility and miscarriage that can make us feel unfixable.
Yet, TLC and social connection can provide support and hope. Hope is a powerful antidote and gives us the resilience to withstand and overcome painful experiences.
Tips to try now
Find one friend or family member that you can open up to about your experience. Reach out and tell them you want to share what you are going through and need their support.
Listen to podcasts on fertility. It is a great way to easily tap into a community and hear about others’ struggles and solutions.
Find a support group in your area. RESOLVE has free infertility support groups across the country that are mostly virtual now, which takes away the location barrier.
Find a therapist or mental health professional to have in your corner and know there are therapists that specialize in infertility.
Contact us at contact@simplina.com if you are interested in a free virtual monthly support group for those struggling with infertility or miscarriages that we are putting together in the new year.
Know you are not alone.
Your experience has been shared by millions of women across the country. Reach out for connection and meet a whole new social circle in this journey.
Warmly,
Annina
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Schedule a free 15-minute call.
Annina is a PhD, Registered Dietitian, Licensed Dietitian Nutritionist and Board Certified in Functional Medicine specializing in nutrition and functional medicine for fertility, pregnancy and new mom and baby. She has 7 years of practice experience and has co-authored several books on infant, child nutrition and obesity prevention.