Spring Clean Your Relationships
In a COVID relationship rut with friends or a significant other?
Your relationships impact your health. Use the time you have at home this spring to take stock of who you spend your time with and how they make you feel. To feel good about yourself, you need to be with people who make you feel good when you are with them whether on zoom or in person. And you need to make them feel good, too.
These are lonely times as we are cut off from our routines, our extended families, travel and for some people their work or work environment. Life as we knew it is...not around. Feeling alone is more than just a feeling or a mood. If lack of connection perpetuates over time, it can have some of the same negative effects as smoking or abusing alcohol as well as increase the risk of premature death.
I think we all learned to appreciate the value of relationships in a year absent much human contact outside the home. We are social creatures and we do best with companionship—friends, family, and loved ones. Isolation and lack of an active social network is tied to depression, heart disease and even suicide. Being alone and feeling alone (you can feel alone in a relationship that is not supportive), alters your brain chemistry, which makes it doubly hard to get out of the situation.
Why relationships matter for your health
Why do relationships matter? Does having friends or not having friends affect your health? There are many positive effects of friendship. Healthy friendships can improve your quality of life. Studies show those with strong and supportive social networks live longer and healthier lives. This is particularly true in older adults with social support who age more healthily and live longer than their counterparts who are more isolated. The key here is the word quality. Those in toxic or unsupportive relationships and marriages can actually have lower immune function. Just being with someone is not enough—your significant other needs to provide you with support and care for you to get the health boost.
Family, friendships and personal relationships shape who we are and what we do. Many of us have childhood memories of that special grandparent or aunt who was your favorite, the close grade school friend we spent hours on end with, or our first love.
As we get older, some friends stay and some go. In today’s rapidly moving society, where you friend someone with a click, it is so much easier to add someone new rather than maintain a lasting, positive friendship.
Maintaining relationships matters
Relationship maintenance takes time. It involves constant care, give and take, remembering the little things, and the big things, and being there—even when it is inconvenient. That person should do the same for you and knowing you have people who are there for you makes a big difference in your health.
Negative relationships not only impact your mental well-being, but also can impact your physical health. There is always the desire to have things the way they were, but friends can change or you can change. It ‘s important to know when it’s time to let go.
I read about taking a “relationship inventory,” sort of like Spring cleaning. We only have so much time in life and relationships are a significant investment. If relationships are positive, they can be a necessary and worthwhile investment. If someone is constantly negative, withdraws, is manipulative, or just no longer the person they once seemed to be—then it’s time to let go.
While this same rule is harder with family, you don’t have to do a lot of things for a demanding and ungrateful family member who never returns the favor. You simply can limit your time with them. Friends who never seem to be available to make plans with and don’t return emails until they need support can be replaced by friends who are there for you even when it’s not convenient for them, and who provide positive value to your life..
What about the significant other that makes you feel like the tugboat in the relationship who seems to be just along for the ride while showing up mostly empty handed? There is a better person out there for you. Clients who have made major changes in their lives often say, “I can’t believe I put up with that for so long! But not anymore.” I love those words! Self-realization is a wonderful and powerful feeling.
Now’s the time for spring cleaning and relationship maintenance
One thing I love about working with couples trying to get pregnant, pregnant women, and new moms is that many are willing to do things for their health and themselves that they otherwise would have held off on or hesitated to do. There’s no better time to make changes when trying to have a healthy pregnancy, bring a new life into the world, and manage being a new mom.
Consider your relationships part of your health ecosystem. At this point, support is the most important thing. As I shared in my blog post on infertility and isolation, couples experiencing multiple miscarriages were more likely to go on to have a healthy pregnancy and a rainbow baby (a healthy baby born after losing a baby due to miscarriage, infant loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death) if they received TLC in both their treatment plan and at home with each other.
Surround yourself with family, friends and healthcare providers that offer that TLC wherever you are on your health journey.
When it’s ok to move on
It’s ok to say goodbye to relationships that aren’t working for us anymore. bBy doing so, we make room in our lives for someone who’s a better match and a more nourishing partner or friend. No point in lamenting lost time. One of my favorite quotes, “The past doesn’t have a future, but you do” sums it up.
Good, strong, supportive and fun relationships are essential to our mental and physical health and our overall well-being. Spring is a great time to do a relationship inventory. Take stock, and decide to surround yourself with a positive, nourishing and happy circle of relationships.
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Annina is a PhD, Registered Dietitian, Licensed Dietitian Nutritionist and Board Certified in Functional Medicine specializing in nutrition and functional medicine for fertility, pregnancy and new mom and baby. She has 7 years of practice experience and has co-authored several books on infant, child nutrition and obesity prevention.